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There's nothing funny about death. Or is there?We looked it up; people die all the time. And that sucks. But obituaries don't have to. Friends and relatives of the deceased go through enough hardships and heartaches at the passing of a loved one, maybe it's time to lighten the mood a bit. We agree that it is important to acknowledge the impact that a person had on others around them, and that their accomplishments should not be trivialized or made fun of. But, if the recently departed were the type of person to make others laugh at every opportunity when they were alive, maybe they would like to give their friends and family one final chuckle from beyond the grave.
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Take a look at a couple of our examples below, just to get an idea. Naturally, customization is key when you want to remember someone the way they ought to be remembered, so get in contact with us to create something appropriate to your needs.
Classic
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Canada— Peter Thomas Montgomery, 91, finally kicked the bucket Friday, Oct 8, 2010 at the Meadow Brook retirement home in Millerton after many years of being, well, old. The staff of Meadow Brook were saddened by Peter's passing, but were happy it happened before the weekend so they wouldn't have to worry about him during days off.
Peter is survived by his wife of 55 years, Jessica Paulson; his daughters, Olivia and Penelope Montgomery; his grandson Nicholas; and many close friends and extended family, as well as countless paid extras. Born in 1919 and eventually raised by wolves in High Summit, originally the son of Marcus and Joanne Montgomery, he later became a lifelong resident and carbon emitter of Millerton. During his youth, Peter would go around into surrounding communities to clean farm stables, feeding the livestock various laxatives to provide job security. After doctoring his permanent school record, he graduated from Summit High School in 1937, then attended EastLake University, eventually graduating in 1942 with a fancy degree in Pyrotechnics. While siphoning fuel from vehicles on a deserted back road, Peter met his wife, Jessica. After nearly two years of fruitlessly trying to convince Jessica's father that he was a decent guy, Peter and Jessica finally eloped and were married in 1944 at Millerton Town Hall. After the war ended, Peter's field of expertise was in high demand as people all over wanted to celebrate the return of their soldiers and so, Peter worked as a fireworks development intern, and eventually as a second class pyrotechnical engineer for Pop Pop Fireworks. After years learning the trade, Peter told his boss where he could stick a bottle rocket and left the business to start his own company in 1948, Fizzler Fireworks Ltd. After nearly two decades in the business, countless superficial chemical burns and two eyebrow replacement procedures, Peter sold the rights to Fizzler to a couple young kids who inherited millions from their parents when their plane suspiciously went down soon after takeoff. Peter and his wife retired comfortably in their late forties, the envy of everyone they knew. The lucky brats. Retirement afforded Peter and Jessica ample time to get frustrated at things, so they took up golf, enjoying daily rounds at Millerton Country Club. Years of lessons and numerous golf sets later, they started an annual charity fundraising tournament, Plaids for Cads, which to this day has raised millions for convict rehabilitation programs. Peter, sometimes referred to as a bird brain by his closest friends, also served as President of the Millerton Ornithological Society, as well as established the first recognized wild bird sanctuary in the province, preventing other rich shmucks from paving over the area with parking lots for strip malls. A funeral service will be held October 16 at Peter and Jessica's home, where his ashes will be scattered over the cliff-side. Please bring goggles in case the wind is blowing the wrong way. |
Satire
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It is with a mix of happiness and trepidation that we announce the death of Susan Cliips at the age of 53. We are deeply saddened that she is no longer with us, but also relieved that we now get to keep the twenty bucks she lent us last month, unless she comes back as a zombie. Ms. Cliips was found unmoving in her home last Wednesday following a dinner party. Though guests first assumed she was engaging in a regular game of Freeze, some tried to join her, but it was eventually discovered that she had died nearly a half hour earlier. In spite of everything, she won the game.
Susan Cliips was outlived by a whole bunch of people, including her three sisters, her five cats, and her tax accountant. For any enemies that did outlive her, she guarantees in her will that they will not outlive her by much thanks to her connections to the mafia. Ms. Cliips believed that funerals were a colossal waste of money, and as such, her entire estate has been donated to support private abortion clinics to ensure funeral homes eventually run out of potential clients. Her remains will be dumped overboard into the arctic ocean during the upcoming filming of Titanic III. |